These are unpaid roles for credit only, in an all-volunteer free podcast production.
Send only your BEST takes of each line, one mp3 file per character. Audition for as many roles as you like! The filename should look like 'CHARACTER NAME_YOUR NAME.mp3'
If you have more than one audition (which is totally awesome and welcome) please zip them ALL in ONE folder.
If you have any questions, please send an email to director.garan@gmail.com.
Send your mp3s to director.garan@gmail.com.
Deadline for auditions is **AUGUST 25** at 11:59 pm Pacific!
ROLES FOR ANY GENDER:
DELTA (20s-40s/Any background/Any accent)
Delta is an overly-dramatic, debatably malevolent, inter-dimensional cosmic… being? With a podcast? Definitely has a sidekick. Big Brain energy here (as in Pinky and the).
LINE 1: (in the most overdone “this is the coolest stuff ever” voice) There is more in this world than what you perceive. Your senses are limited in ways you cannot even begin to comprehend. We exist in the shadows, in the periphery, on the edges of reality where thought blends with chance, where imagination and probability coexist and intermingle in an endless cosmic dance.
LINE 2: (normal voice) What commute? We exist outside of all time and space.
LINE 3: (Bad evil laughter) Work through it and try but fail to make it good. Give up at the end.
EPSILON (20s/Any background/Any accent)
Epsilon is Delta’s minion/partner in crime. Very impressed, they think Delta is the bee’s knees and are super-impressed with how smart and amazing Delta is. Lovably loopy though strangely grounded, they are the jelly to Delta’s peanut butter. Strong Pinky energy (as in and the Brain).
LINE 1: (off-mic a bit) Wow. … So deep! … So badass!
LINE 2: (trying to do a “cool voice” but sounding more like a peppy commercial announcer) We were put into place when the first perfect day led to…
LINE 3: (like a rallying cry) No perfect days!
LINE 4: (Bad evil laughter) Work through it and try but fail to make it good. Never give up.
ROLES FOR WOMEN:
LEONOR (20s-30s/Latina ONLY/Latin-American Accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Leonor is a witch! Just kidding. She’s a woman who is attracted to other women at a time when “stake burning” could be said aloud without conjuring images of a bbq gone wrong. Not one you want to back into a corner. Be warned, she swears a bit. This role is for women of Latin American origin or descent only. Please do not audition if this is not you.
LINE 1: They won’t come in here. They’re a superstitious lot. (repeats to convince herself) They’re a very superstitious lot.
LINE 2: (menacing, over-dramatic) FOOLISH MORTAL MEN. You cannot stop me! I have already sacrificed many a virgin into the fires of damnation! My power grows everyday and even now I command the dead. (trying-too-hard evil laugh)
LINE 3: A lot of people say I’m a witch. They say it when they want to hurt a woman and don’t have another excuse.
LINE 4: (Please provide a short, medium, and long scream of terror.)
MILLIE (20s-30s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Millie was bewitched by Leonor, and by bewitched, I mean totally smitten in a way that Millie’s husband has decided could only happen through witchcraft. The stalwart rock that keeps things moving, she is possessed of a new-found strength that she is determined to turn into a good life. There’s some swearing here.
LINE 1: Nope. Nope nope nope. We are not stopping. Get up, Leonor. We are going.
LINE 2: (walking, pulls up short) Tell me it’s not a floating, uh, shadow person. With a cane. Just a trick of the light, maybe. Or a hysterical hallucination!
LINE 3: I hate that he made me afraid. I hate that I had to kill a part of me and bury it deep and try to forget it ever existed because of him. And maybe you aren’t a witch, Leonor, but you gave me hope, a chance to truly live. And now we’re here and we’re not him. We won’t be.
LINE 4: Please provide a short, medium, and long scream of terror.
BOSSLADY (40s-60s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Her name says it all. Feel free to go super cartoony with this one. Rocko’s Modern Life comes to mind, if you need inspiration.
LINE 1: Well Ms. Gilludugs, thank you for coming in. I must say, I’ve never seen someone with such… grace. You’ll be hearing from us soon.
LINE 2: (calling from a distance) Ms. Gilluduggs? You forgot your purse! Ms. Gilluduggs!
LINE 3: Forget about that call I mentioned. In fact, let’s forget this ever happened.
MS. GILLUDUGGS (20s-30s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
A young woman excited about potentially landing her first job. Feel free to go super cartoony/over-the-top with the emotions. Think Looney-Tunes/Animaniacs.
LINE 1: Thank you so much, bosslady! I look forward to being able to officially call you that soon!
LINE 2: (yelps as she trips and falls into a fountain)
LINE 3: (sputtering, in fountain) I… I don’t know what happened. I just- I just fell! I didn’t even slip, it was like somebody pushed me.
ROLES FOR MEN:
MOB LEADER (30s-40s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender)
You know the guy at the front of the gaggle of pitchforkin torchers who got that good charisma roll, but not for the reasons we all might have wished? Say hi. Part bully, part religious zealot, all manly man: he’s fired up and ready to smite. There’s some mob-leading walla adlib here, so get ready to have fun.
LINE 1: (angry shouting) Millie Stover! We know you’re here! We will forgive you if you repent.
LINE 2: (mob walla: “Kill the witch!” Etc. The crowd is chasing Millie and Leonor and now have them trapped in a house. Rile them up for 30 seconds!)
LINE 3: (nervous mob walla: “Steady, boys!” Etc. The crowd is nervous, possibly about to run. Use your manliness to hold the line and keep these cowards on task! BTW, you’re totally not scared at all… right?)
LINE 4: (Please provide a short, medium, and long scream of terror.)
GREGOR (30s-40s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender)
Millie’s (ex)husband. Very much a product of his time, he doesn’t take his (ex)wife’s personal discovery well. He believes she has been bewitched, and is trying to bravely save her immortal soul/their marriage/his reputation…
LINE 1: (shouting from outside) Come home, darling. Tell us she bewitched you and you can come back to me.
LINE 2: (mob walla: “Millie! Where are you? Just come home!” Etc. You’re searching the house and are getting worried, make her hear you!)
LINE 3: (through a crack in a door he and the mob are breaking down) Millie? Are you in there?
LINE 4: (Please provide a short, medium, and long scream of terror.)
ZEPHANIAH (30s-50s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Zephaniah is the ghost of Maybell Manor—the house Leonor and Millie ran to—the spirit of a man who was murdered for loving another man. Tonight, he will have his vengeance. Not without a sense of humor.
LINE 1: (soft and menacing) There is no witch. Just me and my house.
LINE 2: (hurried) Because they killed me for being the same as you. (Beat) For loving a man the way I was supposed to love a wife. This will be my vengeance.
LINE 3: Would you like me to chase him down and throw some dishes at him?
LINE 4: (Please make some creepy ghost sounds for about 20-30 seconds. A mix of moans, groans, breathing, and laughs, etc. These kinds of sounds will help fill out some scenes.)
MR. HURLYBIN (30s-50s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
A simple man who is about to complete the greatest achievement of his life: The Perfect 300. Feel free to go cartoony/over-the-top.
LINE 1: I’m so nervous… One frame away.
LINE 2: (drops bowling ball on foot, much ouch) Agggggghgghgh sonuvabrisket! My toes!
LINE 3: (very dramatic) What did I do to deserve this?!
HURLYBIN’S FRIEND (30s-50s/Any background/Any accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Contents as described on tin. But has he always believed in Mr. Hurlybin, or is he newly converted by his awe-inspiring performance? Fair-weather? Ride-or-Die? You decide.
LINE 1: I can’t believe it. A perfect 300.
LINE 2: You’ve got it Hurlybin. You’ve been cruising along without a problem. I believe in you. Just don’t overthink it.
