These are unpaid roles for credit only, in an all-volunteer free podcast production.
Send only your BEST takes of each line, one mp3 file per character. Audition for as many roles as you like! The filename should look like 'CHARACTER NAME_YOUR NAME.mp3'
If you have more than one audition (which is totally awesome and welcome) please zip them ALL in ONE folder.
If you have any questions, please send an email to director.garan@gmail.com.
Send your mp3s to director.garan@gmail.com.
Deadline for auditions is **APRIL 28**
ROLES FOR ANY GENDER:
BITS: (Any age/any ethnicity/any accent/any gender)
A cheerful, optimistic robot working on an assembly line aboard an orbiting space station alongside Bobs. Playful and innocent, they have feelings and original thoughts, so they should not sound robotic or detached.
LINE 1: (working at their station) Nut and bolt acquired... Nut and bolt threaded... Nut and bolt joined... (tosses bolt) Nut and bolt added to completed pile.
LINE 2: Good midday Zenith Bobs! (Beat) Bobs... Midday zenith has arrived earlier again today.
LINE 3: I love watching you work. You’re very good at your job! Even if you do it differently.
BOBS: (Any age/any ethnicity/any accent/any gender)
A real curmudgeon of a robot working on an assembly line aboard an orbiting space station alongside Bits. A realist and a “get the job done” type, they have feelings and original thoughts like Bits, so they also should not sound robotic or detached.
LINE 1: (starting their shift, long annoyed groan) Nut and bolt acquired... Nut and bolt threaded... Nut and bolt joined... (tosses bolt) Nut and bolt added to completed pile.
LINE 2: (responding to Bits) I doubt I shall enjoy the work. Good day, Bits.
LINE 3: Give 3 grunts each in response to: a) doing something you’ll tolerate but don’t like; b) Bits asking you to do something you like but you don’t want to admit it; c) recognizing a bad situation you have no real control over.
ROLES FOR WOMEN:
Owner: (40+/any ethnicity/French accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Gracious to her guests, demanding of her subordinates, this regal Dame can go from warm as a sunny spring day to as cold as steel at the blink of an eye if you disappoint her. And tonight is an important occasion. Everything Must Be Perfect.
LINE 1: (Enters bar) Oh! I didn’t realize we still had guests. (To OLD MAN) I’m the owner. (OLD MAN turns on the charm, she responds) (To BARTENDER) Could I borrow you for a second?
LINE 2: (BARTENDER replies informally to an order) ... I’m sorry? (BARTENDER corrects) That’s better. I don’t want to be harsh with you, but my friends and I do stand on ceremony. When you join our society there will be those far less patient than I with such... familiarity.
LINE 3: (Steely) I told you to make him a good cocktail, not to listen to his life story. (Beat) Get. Rid. Of. Him.
K’Teleran: (20s-40s/any ethnicity/any accent/Cisgender or Transgender) WILL BE A RECURRING CHARACTER
A sentient humanoid being from a race similar to Terrans but with 4 arms and skin colors ranging from green to blue and even purple, K’Teleran is a jovial out-sized personality who speaks with a booming voice. She hasn’t met a room yet that her presence couldn’t fill, and she’s quite confident in her species’ place in the universe.
***Director’s note: no audition will be judged on the pronunciation of “Solbolus.”
LINE 1: (like a game show host) Greetings, little ones! You have the honor of beholding the Great Craft Solbolus! May we know the identities of whom we address?
LINE 2: If help is what you need, I believe we can provide it. We offer many services to beings we come across. But first may I ask, what species are you?
LINE 3: (Sorry/not sorry; ok maybe sorry) We apologize for the discomfort. It’s not often databases we connect to are sentient.
ROLES FOR MEN:
Old Man: (50+/any ethnicity/light New Orleans accent/Cisgender)
An affable and unassuming old man who just seems to be looking for a bit of friendly conversation and a cold one at the end of a long day. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a formidable poker player.
LINE 1: (To BARTENDER) Well, I hadn’t heard of wine cocktails before, thought maybe they were something new that all the kids were drinking. But then you pointed out Sangria. They’ve been drinking Sangria for hundreds of years. Things that seem new are actually old!
LINE 2: (To OWNER, give me various levels of charm) Pleasure to meet you, mademoiselle.
LINE 3: (To BARTENDER, the jig is up) Son, you’re smarter than that. Guessing you wanted to join them. (Beat) You killed anyone yet?
Bartender: (20s-30s/any ethnicity/Texas accent/Cisgender or Transgender)
Good at his job and proud of it, he’d never sacrifice hospitality for convenience. However, he’s got bigger plans for his future, and pleasing his boss is a big part of that...
LINE 1: (laughing) Just under the gun old timer. Everyone else has cleared out, but I’ve got time for one last drink for you.
LINE 2: (To OWNER, bordering on impertinent) Am I permitted to be insulted at the suggestion that I would ever make a sloppy cocktail, my lady?
LINE 3: (Apologetic but uncompromising) Hey, I’m sorry old timer, but we’re closing, you’ll have to tell me this story another time.
