These are unpaid roles for credit only, in a free podcast production.
Send only your BEST takes of each line, one mp3 file per character. Audition for as many roles as you like! The filename should look like 'CHARACTER NAME_YOUR NAME.mp3'
If you have more than one audition (which is totally awesome and welcome) please zip them ALL in ONE folder.
If you have any questions, please send an email to garan.fitzgerald@gmail.com.
Send your mp3s to garan.fitzgerald@gmail.com!
Deadline for auditions is **DECEMBER 18**
ROLES FOR ANY GENDER:
GOD: (any age, ageless?/any ethnicity/any accent/any gender)
God as head of a product development team that, frankly, relies on everyone else to come up with the ideas that they take credit for. Yes, they’re all powerful and control all that is, was, or will be, but they really can’t be bothered with the day-to-day. They’re mercurial, up for experimentation, and surprisingly down-to-earth.
LINE 1: I need you to choose the one symbol that perfectly encapsulates everything good and right about humanity. Everything mankind learned as a species. I’ll give you -- a thousand years. Good luck!
LINE 2: STOP TALKING LIKE THAT OR I WILL UNMAKE YOU.
LINE 3: Uh...how many of you feel this way? That the creativity stuff didn’t balance out the...the being sad all the time stuff?
ANGEL: (30s-50s/any ethnicity/any accent/any gender)
Blue-collar foreperson of a mining operation that would totally be in a union… if there were still unions. Having toiled in the muck their entire life, their concern for their crew is matched only by the joy they take in watching the mighty fall. That said, they’re a professional, and they see the lay of the land.
LINE 1: Ma'am, I know you're just doing your job, but you're gonna lose some good people if this kinda thing keeps up.
LINE 2: Let's pick up the pace, everyone! I don't want to have to report anyone to the boss.
LINE 3: (Mocking) Good luck making your way up the corporate ladder now.
ROLES FOR WOMEN:
MAYA ANGELOU: (20s+/Black Woman ONLY/any accent/cisgender)
It’s Maya Angelou! Sassy, sensual, powerful like a swelling sea, and not afraid of anyone or anything, but most importantly, playful with her barbs. Don’t be concerned with matching her voice exactly, because she’s passed into the great beyond and now can be whatever she wants. She could be older, younger, her voice or accent could be changed, play with it! If you need some inspiration, check out these videos: https://youtu.be/lhRlCY0_JNg, Still I Rise: https://youtu.be/qviM_GnJbOM
This role is for Black women only, please do not audition if that is not you.
LINE 1: Yeah, what gives? Ernest Hemingway and I were locked in battle with an enormous marlin. Now I’ll never know if we woulda caught it.
LINE 2: Nobody ever made t-shirts of my poem. There are no Maya Angelou plastic dolls with still-rising action.
LINE 3: You’re not going to like it… No, you’re… you’re really not going to like it… Will you just promise not to be mad? … Santa Claus.
SYLVIA PLATH: (20s+/any ethnicity/Trans-Atlantic accent a plus/cisgender)
Quiet, intense, and very particular about language. A contrasting figure to Maya Angelou, she uses her words to chip away and assail, rather than to sweep someone over to her side. She says it like it is, and spends no time trying to convince herself the world is better than she sees it. And she says it like a Queen. Need inspiration? Interview with Ted Hughes: https://youtu.be/Vqhsnk6vY8E. Lady Lazarus: https://youtu.be/Uq2LOhaf97o.
LINE 1: Wait, are you saying I’m pretty AND young, or are you using ‘pretty’ as an adverb to modify ‘youth’?
LINE 2: You also gave me a depression so crippling that even the love of my children could not prevent me from sticking my head in an oven.
LINE 3: Look, it’s Santa Claus or it’s something depressing. Those are basically your options. Those are the only options ANY of your creations had.
JESSICA: (20s-30s/any ethnicity/any accent/cisgender or transgender)
A cog in the machine of industry desperate for advancement who does everything she’s supposed to do to get that advancement. Her maxims might be, “S**t rolls downhill,” and “a deal’s a deal.”
LINE 1: You've said for months that you were grooming me for COO. That I was next in line for the job… You couldn’t even tell me that you gave Clayton the job before you announced?
LINE 2: (Sarcastically) Oh, sure. You'll all just catch an Uber back to West Virginia, learn to code, and reinvent yourselves, right? There are no jobs you're qualified for there. There isn't an ounce of coal left.
LINE 3: Princeton undergrad, Harvard Business School, two hundred thousand dollars in student loans... and now I'm working right alongside a bunch of community college dropouts. (heavy sigh)
SABRINA: (30s+/any ethnicity/any accent/cisgender or transgender)
She’s within spitting distance of the peak of that corporate heap, and she is loving it. Confident and cruel, she’s well learned, “To the victor go the spoils.” A dog-eared copy of Machiavelli’s “The Prince” might be on her bedside table.
LINE 1: Oh please, like you didn't see me on the cover of Forbes last month. "CEO of the decade" sounds pretty nice, doesn't it?
LINE 2: You can make this easy for yourself, or we can do a hostile takeover.
LINE 3: I said "more or less," didn't I? You should've moved faster. Now you'll be joining your “friends.”
ROLES FOR MEN:
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE: (20s+/any ethnicity/British accent a plus but any ok/cisgender or transgender)
He’s been dead longer than the rest, and so might have had more time to pick up new accents and, due to his love of coining a phrase, ways of speaking… but he’s still William Shakespeare. That said, while Shakespeare is known to be quite the playwright… was he a good actor? Feel free to lean into that question however you see fit, dear auditioner.
LINE 1: We felt the work would last forever more. Its plot and characters so smart, so pure. (NOTE: Iambic Pentameter)
LINE 2: Plus, Hamlet, while vastly superior to the works published by my contemporaries such as, say, Christopher Marlowe --
LINE 3: If there’s one thing that’s true about your universe, it’s that people are super psyched about money.
HAROLD: (30s+/any ethnicity/any accent/cisgender or transgender)
He wants to be the “Good Guy” boss, but he’s really just a glorified Shareholder Sitter. Harried and popping antacids like candy on the inside, he still manages to put on his game face when dealing with competitors.
LINE 1: Oh, just that we promised them a 30 percent return last quarter, and we haven't come anywhere close to that.
LINE 2: Look, I'm really sorry. I might be CEO, but I don't call the shots all the time. Sit tight a little longer and there will be another opening. I'll go to the mat for you next time.
LINE 3: Ha! These are minor difficulties at worst. We've put billions into our operations, but when all is said and done we'll be paying back our investors hand over fist. We'll top 100 percent returns.
